On the Contrary

Hello? Is anybody home? I'm here. We're here.

We've made it to Baby E's 7 month birthday. She's over half a year old. We've passed the newborn stage. We've passed the rolling over and the sitting up and the first teeth milestones. And I don't know how we got here. You know when you're driving on a long trip and you kind of mentally check out and all of a sudden you're 50 miles away from where you started? That's how I feel.

In the early days of our new life as a family with a newborn, I spent countless hours reading about newborns, and newborn sleep, and newborn milestones. What an immense waste of my time.  I feel like my baby and our experience was (and is) the opposite of anything I read online. Nothing is what I would have expected. Everything I read was useless, at least in terms of trying to apply Doctor Google's advice to my baby. Examples:

• "You'll know you're in labor when you start to feel your contractions getting stronger and closer together. You'll really feel them start to get strong every 20 min or so and get closer together."
• In my experience, I was jerked awake with contractions every 7 minutes. After an hour, they were every 4. Another couple hours every 2 min. Fast and furious, yo. This baby meant business.

• "Write your birth plan in advance and give it to your provider."
• ...or write it down, coat it in beer batter and deep fry it. Enjoy it with a side of cole slaw and fries because...(see next item)...

• "The hospital will already have a copy of your birth plan." (Per Kaiser's OB-GYN department)
• Then why were they asking me all those questions about my birth plan while I was huffing and puffing between contractions?! I did give it to them but apparently the message was not received.

• "Nurse every 2-3 hours in those early days. Wake baby if necessary. Feed at least 10-12 times per day." 
• I'm sorry, but I refused to poke the bear at night. Baby only got 8 feedings per day in the early days. She gained weight like a champ.

• "Bye bye, sleep!"
• Ok, this is where women are going to want to punch me in the throat. My baby slept great from day 1. This is NOT the norm and now that I put that out into the world, she will probably never sleep again. Shit. Anyway, it is what it is. On her first night, she slept for 6 hours straight. The next nights were pretty similar. Days, she nursed pretty much around the clock but it made for some sweet, sweet sleep for the both of us at night. As time went on, her day sleep deteriorated and night sleep got better (i.e. longer). Her naps were (and sometimes still are) 30-min cat naps.

• "Sleep or take some much needed 'you time' while the baby naps."
• ...unless you have a cat-napper, in which case, you will have no 'you time.' You know what you can get done in 30 minutes? Not a DAMN thing.

• "Take baby for a ride in the car to settle the fussies."
• NO. A million times, no. Until fairly recently, my child hated car rides with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. Trips to Grandma's included the not-so-sweet serenade of incessant wailing from the back seat. The 4-minute ride to Target felt like 4 years. I don't know what it is, but she's still iffy when it comes to the car. 

• "Don't nurse to sleep. Your baby will get dependent on it and will never learn to self soothe."
• What-the FUCK-EVERRRR. We nurse to sleep for bedtime. It's amazing and probably the most relaxing part of our day. And now with the time change, there's something so magical about that time of day. We have our last nursing session of the day just as the sun sets and dusk falls on the earth. We bid goodbye to the day while baby is contentedly falling asleep in my arms, her belly full and my lap warmed by the weight of her not-so-tiny body.

I'm sure there are other things I'm forgetting, but these are the stand-outs. 

I've all but abandoned Dr. Google and am choosing to live new mommy-hood by my new mantra: Live and let baby.

Otherwise occupied

Shit's. Going. Down. Since my last post, I slammed my foot firmly on the gas pedal of the time-to-grow-up mobile.

But first, a recap: Gina is still trucking along with me and we are still in love. Mila is flatulent as ever. The Hub and I still love each other to bits. The Hub is continuing to work hard at his computer nerdery job, and I am still working at my engineering-y job...kind of. We'll circle back to that in a moment. In short, our cast of characters here is doing well.

Last year was somewhat of a whirlwind as it brought forth some big changes. Good changes. Nerve-wracking changes. Late last summer saw us buying our second home and selling our first within roughly 50 days. We moved closer to work and out of our sketchy neighborhood. We spent the fall adjusting to and making minor improvements to our new home. Every weekend consisted of a different project (HUGE shout out and THANKS to the hard-working Hub, again). We hosted Thanksgiving and sailed through the remaining holidays.

Then in mid-January, Mila's world changed forever. Internet, meet Hercules:

Look at this face and chewable ears. He's a Boston terrier mix of some sort and he shadows Mila all day long. And me too. He likes to guard the shower while I'm in there, but like a gentleman, he keeps his back to the shower and doesn't peek. Ah, chivalry. 

I guess I'll take a step back here and mention that I'm not currently working. Last Friday was my last day at my job for a while. I'm blaming this person:

That's right. I done got knocked up. We will be meeting this tiny lady in a couple of weeks and I am so excited/happy/anxious/scared. I've been blessed with a relatively easy pregnancy and have high hopes for an equally smooth delivery. Fingers crossed. Pray for me. Here's the closest thing I have to a maternity photo:

To be honest, we've both been so busy that I didn't schedule a maternity photo session with a professional photographer. Fortunately, we had a family reunion last weekend in a park-like setting so I found a spot I liked, played with some of my camera's settings, and tossed my camera to my sister to take this photo (thank you, sister! I love it!). It's a little prom-y but I love it. Of course, that might just be me looking at it through baby pink colored glasses. 

Recap

So here's a quick update on the goings-on around here:

I done got me a new car. Her name is Gina and we're very happy together.

My nephew turned 1. I'm surprised I haven't eaten him with a spoon by now. Just look at that face.

We took a mini-vacation to Santa Cruz/Capitola/Monterey to get our beach fix. It was glorious and not 463 degrees out. A welcome change. 

We ran The Color Run here in Sacramento. Yes, it is as fun as it looks. 

Otherwise, we've been trying to keep cool as best we can. 

My favorite airline

Amy Poehler on SNL:

“The Virgina House of Representatives passed a bill that required women to have a transvaginal ultrasound before having an abortion. Now don’t get me wrong. I love transvaginal. It’s my favorite airline. I got so many miles on Transvaginal that I always get upgraded to Lady Business.”

I'm leaving at 3 to pick apples

My gut hurts from laughing so hard. Please watch all the videos on the Bad Lip Reading YouTube channel.

Wanna bet?

I've been working with a personal trainer for a few months now at our local gym. Not trying to lose a bunch of weight, rather I just want to tone and de-jiggle a few areas. My metabolism isn't what it once was in high school, where my diet consisted mostly of personal sized pizzas, chocolate chip cookies and Payday candy bars from the vending machine at work. My exercise routine back then included walking to and from said vending machine and making googly eyes at my then boyfriend. Not exactly intense calorie burners.

Over the summer the hub and I started hitting the gym together and overhauled our eating habits. By the time I started with my trainer, my upper body was pretty close to where I'd like it to be. My boobs have by now disappeared, but let's face it, they arrived tardy to the puberty party and since then their presence had been less than satisfactory. Anyway, in our session today, we focused heavily on lower body. We were working on squats (with a barbell & weights on each end) when the hub walked by and said something to Trainer. Once I finished what I thought to be my last set of squats, I went to get a drink and came back to find a 45 lb plate on either side of the bar. The heaviest I've ever attempted. Trainer proceeds to tell me the Hub said he didn't think I could do it. Now, before this moment, I never would have considered myself a competitive person. "I would very much rather not take you up on that footrace, kind sir. Let's just assume you indeed are faster than me and let's go get some Pinkberry instead, mmmkay? Fun for everyone!" However, in that moment, with Trainer behind me and the hub watching out of the corner of his eye, I couldn't say no. I proceeded to knock out 10 reps (admittedly, with some assistance). But I did them. Done. Complete. I turned to give Trainer the customary & congratulatory high-five, and then he tells me, "He didn't really say he didn't think you could do it. I just wanted to challenge you. But it fueled you right?!" Right he was, and duped I was. I fell for it. But you know what, who cares? Because in that moment, I made that bar my bitch. (Oh, and I still don't know what the hub said, and I really don't care.)

A glimpse

This is what the not-so-near future holds:

The Hub holding my cousin's child.

Seriously? How hot is he? And yes, while I love the image of his scrumptiousness holding a baby, I don't want that to be for another few years. Even so, I don't think my biological clock can handle this photo. Excuse me while I push the snooze button.